Two tweets featured in this “authorized collection of the funniest tweets of all time.” Other contributors include Stephen Colbert, Ashton Kutcher, Sarah Silverman, Rainn Wilson, and Diablo Cody.

My selected tweets were:

We’ve now been in our house for a week and love it. I’m going to cherish every moment between now and foreclosure.

Recession Update: I’m down to one burrito per paycheck. I have neither the energy nor the pico de gallo to joke about this.